I’ve been bored for most of my twenties. I’ve been dreaming up alternate realities and beating myself up for not living them. I’ve been staring in the mirror. I’ve been trying on clothes. I’ve been running. I’ve been wondering what other people think about me. I’ve been thinking about my legs, my stomach, and proper skin care. I’ve been rough on myself and others.
But then it all stopped, no thanks to my yogic efforts to live in the present, be grateful, be mindful, etc etc etc. I got mono. My tonsils got so swollen I could not swallow and I had to go to the ER. All I could do was lay in bed and watch Mary Tyler Moore. I nearly died. (That’s not true, but it makes for a better story. The only thing potentially fatal about mono is that your spleen gets so enlarged that it becomes highly vulnerable to explosion upon impact. Contact sports are discouraged.)
The best part about mono for me has been witnessing my body fail the way that bodies are supposed to fail when exposed to mono. I was alarmed to wake up one morning with shortness of breath, but then the internet told me this is a common symptom of mono. I was alarmed when my throat started to swell up again after a few drinks one night when I thought I was better, but then the internet told me that you shouldn’t drink for weeks after mono because your liver and immune system are so taxed and vulnerable, making a relapse likely. I am experiencing textbook mono. It makes me feel simple and plant-like. Mono has helped me be more gentle and merciful towards my body. I have lowered my expectations and will try to no longer rely so much on my physical body for self-worth. In the future, I will try to simply be grateful for proper functioning of all systems. I won’t worry so much about what the whole package looks like. Also, I will dump fewer toxins into it.
Another great thing about mono is that there is not much debate about the treatment. Just kick back seems to be the consensus. There is no one pushing antibiotics or other drugs on you, which means there is no one telling you about the harmfulness of these medications. There is minimal debate about whether or not to take pain relievers. Everyone seems to agree that rest, popsicles, juice, and ginger ale are the best way to beat mono. I’m going to rest the shit out of this shit.
(This post is just a teaser for the kick ass cancer memoir I will write one day.)
Monday, October 4, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Rejected Facebook Status Updates
Melba is inserting her diva cup.
Melba just looked at all 538 pictures of you.
Melba just evacuated her colon.
Melba just found a piece of chicken (from last night’s dinner!) on her chin.
Melba delivered a beautiful, healthy baby girl at 5:43 am. 8 lbs, 2oz. Lots of hair and skin that is surprisingly dark in light of who we thought the father was.
Melba just looked at all 538 pictures of you.
Melba just evacuated her colon.
Melba just found a piece of chicken (from last night’s dinner!) on her chin.
Melba delivered a beautiful, healthy baby girl at 5:43 am. 8 lbs, 2oz. Lots of hair and skin that is surprisingly dark in light of who we thought the father was.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Things that you can buy with dollars
Today, I started the day with a trip to the grocery store with my mother and found this:
Then I went thrifting. In addition to hitting the pants jackpot (3 pairs!), I found this:
Then I found myself with time to kill at the fancy outdoor mall and meandered into J. Crew where in addition to pre-torn jeans, you can find khakis, excuse me, chinos, that have been not only torn but speckled with white paint. That's right. For just $79.50, you can buy a pair of pants that has been torn and stained for you in advance for your convenience and style. This way, when you go to starbucks for your vente latte, your friends (the starbucks employees) might make a wisecrack about your dirty ol pants and you'll have the opportunity to explain that you're on a break from applying the primer to your guest room when the truth is that the guy you hired to do the painting is not on a break because you told him he could not take breaks.
Then I went thrifting. In addition to hitting the pants jackpot (3 pairs!), I found this:
Then I found myself with time to kill at the fancy outdoor mall and meandered into J. Crew where in addition to pre-torn jeans, you can find khakis, excuse me, chinos, that have been not only torn but speckled with white paint. That's right. For just $79.50, you can buy a pair of pants that has been torn and stained for you in advance for your convenience and style. This way, when you go to starbucks for your vente latte, your friends (the starbucks employees) might make a wisecrack about your dirty ol pants and you'll have the opportunity to explain that you're on a break from applying the primer to your guest room when the truth is that the guy you hired to do the painting is not on a break because you told him he could not take breaks.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Story of My Life
Not sure what this terribly written article is doing in the Washington Post today.
But basically it's the story of my life. Substitute "Melba" for "Delilah" and there you have it.
As in:
"Delilah's taste in men -- and people in general -- tends toward the needy."
"She won't talk about her current romantic life, but in her 2008 book, "Love Matters," she writes about finding love again with a motorcycle-riding man named Paul."
"The cream-colored walls are decorated with seven of her own headshots."
"From then on, her personal journey and professional one would rival each other in jagged edges of tumult and felicity."
Perhaps the death of long-form journalism isn't so tragic?
But basically it's the story of my life. Substitute "Melba" for "Delilah" and there you have it.
As in:
"Delilah's taste in men -- and people in general -- tends toward the needy."
"She won't talk about her current romantic life, but in her 2008 book, "Love Matters," she writes about finding love again with a motorcycle-riding man named Paul."
"The cream-colored walls are decorated with seven of her own headshots."
"From then on, her personal journey and professional one would rival each other in jagged edges of tumult and felicity."
Perhaps the death of long-form journalism isn't so tragic?
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Tech-O-Rama
Dear Readers,
I think it’s time to take this blog in a new direction.
I was at the café the other day and heard about all sorts of amazing things that are happening in the world of computers so I thought I would share them with you.
Please move your bookmark for this website from “General Musings” to “Technology.”
1. So-called “digital” photography
First off, did you know that it is possible to include photographs on blogs? What???? Like tape it to the screen? No way, silly. Hmm....how to explain this. Okay, so you can now take digital pictures (sort of like a digital clock, but different) and then you ask whoever is closest to you to get the picture from the camera to the computer. And then you say, oh one more thing, can you get this on the internet for me so I can put it on my blog. Then they might say YOU have a blog!! Does anyone read it? At this point, don’t get defensive. You know you’re a helluva blogstress and you don’t have to prove it to this punk who had the good fortune to choose the computer next to yours at the public library. Instead, smile kindly and flatter the kid till he gets it up (the photograph).
Here is a sample of some of my latest work:
Food photography is all the rage right now.
2. Electronic correspondence
Ever heard people throw around the term “email”? Well, don’t be too impressed. It’s actually pretty simple and easy to use. Easier than a fax machine, and faster too, if you can believe it! First step is picking an email address. You can either do something dull using your first and/or last name, or you can do something exciting that captures your personality and hobbies. For what it's worth, I find that I get more replies to my craigslist replies when I write from easybreezy69@gmail.com than from grandmajan@netscape.com. Next step is to ask whoever is nearest to you to help you set up an email address. And look at you, you’re on email! Now you can send emails to your favorite blogstress. Unfortunately, they haven’t developed a way to send bath salts or bean soup mix over the internet, so you’ll still have to send these via regular mail, which the punks have taken to calling “snail mail.”
I think that’s enough for today. Good luck. You can do it!
I think it’s time to take this blog in a new direction.
I was at the café the other day and heard about all sorts of amazing things that are happening in the world of computers so I thought I would share them with you.
Please move your bookmark for this website from “General Musings” to “Technology.”
1. So-called “digital” photography
First off, did you know that it is possible to include photographs on blogs? What???? Like tape it to the screen? No way, silly. Hmm....how to explain this. Okay, so you can now take digital pictures (sort of like a digital clock, but different) and then you ask whoever is closest to you to get the picture from the camera to the computer. And then you say, oh one more thing, can you get this on the internet for me so I can put it on my blog. Then they might say YOU have a blog!! Does anyone read it? At this point, don’t get defensive. You know you’re a helluva blogstress and you don’t have to prove it to this punk who had the good fortune to choose the computer next to yours at the public library. Instead, smile kindly and flatter the kid till he gets it up (the photograph).
Here is a sample of some of my latest work:
Food photography is all the rage right now.
2. Electronic correspondence
Ever heard people throw around the term “email”? Well, don’t be too impressed. It’s actually pretty simple and easy to use. Easier than a fax machine, and faster too, if you can believe it! First step is picking an email address. You can either do something dull using your first and/or last name, or you can do something exciting that captures your personality and hobbies. For what it's worth, I find that I get more replies to my craigslist replies when I write from easybreezy69@gmail.com than from grandmajan@netscape.com. Next step is to ask whoever is nearest to you to help you set up an email address. And look at you, you’re on email! Now you can send emails to your favorite blogstress. Unfortunately, they haven’t developed a way to send bath salts or bean soup mix over the internet, so you’ll still have to send these via regular mail, which the punks have taken to calling “snail mail.”
I think that’s enough for today. Good luck. You can do it!
Friday, January 1, 2010
Running under the Blue Moon
I just ran off 2009. It’s New Year’s Eve and I just went for the most spectacular run under the second full moon of the month. Halfway through the run I couldn’t decide whether to go my long loop or my short loop. There were time constraints to consider. There were cookies that I had eaten earlier in the day to consider. There were friends who I was eager to meet up with to consider. But I turned my brain off and I checked in with my body. The second I did that I heard my body asking for more and telling me that it was up for the long loop even though I hadn’t been running in a week and a half.
After deciding to go the long loop, the blue moon came into view and I was overcome with peacefulness. I bid adieu to 2009 and I realized that, for the first time in a long time, I am content with where I am and who I am and I am not fixated on changing a thing. Thank you sweet jesus.
This morning, a dear friend sent me a list of things that she is grateful for and here is my list that I sent back to her:
-My lady friends and fun times and great chats had with them
-The peacefulness that I feel about the coming but still unknown changes regarding life after law school. The certainty that I feel that all will be well.
-yoga
-exploration in the kitchen
-growing acceptance of all parts of me
-financial security
-my B Street refuge
What’s on your list?
After deciding to go the long loop, the blue moon came into view and I was overcome with peacefulness. I bid adieu to 2009 and I realized that, for the first time in a long time, I am content with where I am and who I am and I am not fixated on changing a thing. Thank you sweet jesus.
This morning, a dear friend sent me a list of things that she is grateful for and here is my list that I sent back to her:
-My lady friends and fun times and great chats had with them
-The peacefulness that I feel about the coming but still unknown changes regarding life after law school. The certainty that I feel that all will be well.
-yoga
-exploration in the kitchen
-growing acceptance of all parts of me
-financial security
-my B Street refuge
What’s on your list?
An unpleasant combination of words spoken to me yesterday
Now,
remember,
there’s
no
prohibition
against
working
evenings
and
weekends,
he said to me on Thursday, as he handed me a project due the Monday after New Year’s weekend.
Out loud, I said, "Got it. I'll see what I can find and I'll get back to you on Monday."
In my head, "Awwww shit....hey, maybe we ought to impose such a prohibition. Look at your waistline! Listen to the boring stories you are repeating all the time. Get out there and get some new material! Oh, and you know how your wife resents you and your kids don't know you? That's probably because of how you spend your weekends and evenings. Consider the prohibition. You'll love it!"
remember,
there’s
no
prohibition
against
working
evenings
and
weekends,
he said to me on Thursday, as he handed me a project due the Monday after New Year’s weekend.
Out loud, I said, "Got it. I'll see what I can find and I'll get back to you on Monday."
In my head, "Awwww shit....hey, maybe we ought to impose such a prohibition. Look at your waistline! Listen to the boring stories you are repeating all the time. Get out there and get some new material! Oh, and you know how your wife resents you and your kids don't know you? That's probably because of how you spend your weekends and evenings. Consider the prohibition. You'll love it!"
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