I’ve been bored for most of my twenties. I’ve been dreaming up alternate realities and beating myself up for not living them. I’ve been staring in the mirror. I’ve been trying on clothes. I’ve been running. I’ve been wondering what other people think about me. I’ve been thinking about my legs, my stomach, and proper skin care. I’ve been rough on myself and others.
But then it all stopped, no thanks to my yogic efforts to live in the present, be grateful, be mindful, etc etc etc. I got mono. My tonsils got so swollen I could not swallow and I had to go to the ER. All I could do was lay in bed and watch Mary Tyler Moore. I nearly died. (That’s not true, but it makes for a better story. The only thing potentially fatal about mono is that your spleen gets so enlarged that it becomes highly vulnerable to explosion upon impact. Contact sports are discouraged.)
The best part about mono for me has been witnessing my body fail the way that bodies are supposed to fail when exposed to mono. I was alarmed to wake up one morning with shortness of breath, but then the internet told me this is a common symptom of mono. I was alarmed when my throat started to swell up again after a few drinks one night when I thought I was better, but then the internet told me that you shouldn’t drink for weeks after mono because your liver and immune system are so taxed and vulnerable, making a relapse likely. I am experiencing textbook mono. It makes me feel simple and plant-like. Mono has helped me be more gentle and merciful towards my body. I have lowered my expectations and will try to no longer rely so much on my physical body for self-worth. In the future, I will try to simply be grateful for proper functioning of all systems. I won’t worry so much about what the whole package looks like. Also, I will dump fewer toxins into it.
Another great thing about mono is that there is not much debate about the treatment. Just kick back seems to be the consensus. There is no one pushing antibiotics or other drugs on you, which means there is no one telling you about the harmfulness of these medications. There is minimal debate about whether or not to take pain relievers. Everyone seems to agree that rest, popsicles, juice, and ginger ale are the best way to beat mono. I’m going to rest the shit out of this shit.
(This post is just a teaser for the kick ass cancer memoir I will write one day.)
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1 comment:
here's hoping the cancer memoir is just as unlikely as the exploded spleen fatality. memoirs of another sort, however, i'd love to read. miss you, girl.
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